As you discern with your dilemma, the relinquishment of judgment is the release of the complete spectrum of judgment (the beneficial in the adverse). Full forgiveness (the Atonement) can be a State of head which reflects Abstract Divine Intellect. ACOL alone acknowledges the huge price of its predecessor, offering ACIM https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTleG6-484F7WHZD0hAjRRw